The Writings In The Door

Yesterday I spent some quality time at my alma mater, where a former bio professor was having a BBQ for graduating students and alumni of her classes.  Not a lot of alumni were there, but my old college roommate/best buddy flew in from Chicago to come and one of our other bio friends came too.  All three of us gals were actually on the rugby team together too, so it was nice to see them.  A couple professors were there too and it was cool to cath up with them as well.  The professor hosting the shindig is really nice and her husband is really funny, and I got to meet their little one year old boy too.  Overall I had a really fun time and I was glad to catch up with people that I don’t see anymore and tell the funny stories of the “good old days”. 

Then I came home and found this note stuck in my front door:

Cindy,

I suppose you might not be aware of this, but Teddy barks for an hour or two every time you guys go out.  Would you please figure out some way to handle that.  It is very difficult getting kids down for a nap and is especially troublesome now that K is home all day on maternity leave.

Thanks,

J and K

P.S. - Would you also please clear up all the trash out back?

Now first off, my next door neighbors spelled my name wrong.  It’s Cyndi, not Cindy.  Duh.  And I don’t have a problem with them saying that Teddy barks a lot, because he probably does.  However, two hours I think is an over estimation.  He generally barks for about 15 minutes when I leave and then settles down.  He does bark, however, when he hears people walking around outside and opening our front door, say, when someone leaves a note in it.  Since our house is a twin, we can both generally hear sounds from the other person’s house.  If Teddy hears them slamming their door and making noises, he’ll bark.  Duh.  That’s kind of what dog’s do.  I want him to bark when people are outside or at the door.  I hear them through the wall too, I hear them clumping up the steps and I hear their kids screaming, but I don’t put a note in their door telling them to get their kids to shut up.  Kids cry.  Dogs bark.  Such is life.  But I seriously doubt that their kids can’t get to sleep because he’s barking.  They have a dog too, and I’ve heard her barking, so I’m pretty sure the kids can deal with it.  Plus, in this neighborhood there’s at least one dog in every other house.  One of them is always barking at some point during the day.  So it’s not like I’m the sole person dragging down the neighborhood with my noise polluting dog.

I acknowledge that sometimes he does bark a lot.  But it’s pretty much always when I’m not here, so it’s kind of difficult to fix.  I’ve gotten a gate to keep him in a smaller part of the house to keep him calmer, but within 30 seconds he jumps over it or squeezes under it, so that doesn’t work.  I have a crate for him, but if I put him in and walk out of the room then he freaks out twice as much.  I also just got him a bark collar that shocks him when he barks, but that doesn’t seem to have much effect either.  I got Teddy from a shelter, who knows what his life was like before here.  All I know is that he has abandonment issues and gets very upset when I leave him.  If I even leave the room he has to get up and follow me and be next to me all the time.  I’m trying to work on this but it seems to be really hard for him to get over.  I think my main problem with that part of the note is that I’ve asked my neighbors at least 10 times over the last year if Teddy barks too much for them and if he annoys them, and each time they’ve said no.  Plus, I see them outside all the time and they’ve never said anything to me about it.  So I think considering that it’s pretty lame to just stick a note in the door one day, like, “we’ve been ok with it for a year but now it’s annoying so you need to stop it”.  It’s like they assume that I can just flip a switch and get him to stop barking.  Like maybe if I have a rational conversation with him he’ll see the error of his ways.  Well, news flash, it doesn’t work like that.  I’m trying and I’m working on it, but there’s no overnight fix.

The other part of the note, the P.S., was actually offensive.  Because I looked out back and there is no trash except what’s in our trash cans.  There are a few small pieces of plywood from the handymen who’ve been working here leaning against our garage, but that’s it.  Plus, the trash cans and plywood are clearly on our side of the property.  There is nothing remotely near their side.  So what am I supposed to clean up?  The trash that’s already in the cans?  I think it’s incredibly rude for them to tell me to clean up something that is, first of all, unnoticeable, and secondly, clearly on my property.  I have news for you pal, if I want to throw plywood all over my freakin lawn, there’s nothing you can do about it.  Don’t tell me what I have to clean up on my own property.  (Ok, technically I rent so it’s not mine, but the landlord is in California, and since I live here and posession is 9/10 of the law then to me it’s my house). 

It just annoys me that I have been nothing but nice to my neighbors, and yet when they see me they look at me like my existence is offending them.  All of the other neighbors are really nice to me and treat me like I’m a normal part of the neighborhood.  I guess that having a couple of girls “renting” gasp! the house next door brings down the tone of the neighborhood to them or something.  I could understand if we were a bunch of rowdy college students or something, but we’re not.  We don’t have loud parties, heck we don’t have parties at all, we do our fun stuff outside of the house.  We’re clean, and I mow the lawn once a week.  I even just trimmed our bush that was pushing out into the sidewalk.  Because I’m respectful like that.  Usually only one of us is home at a time anyway, so it’s pretty much quiet all day, except for apparently Teddy barking for-e-ver when we’re not home.  I guess I’ll have to have a chat with the neighbors the next time I see them and see if they have the balls to say any of this stuff to my face.  Cause I don’t think they will.  But to make myself feel better, this is my “wish reply” that I wish I could write down and stick in their door:

J and K,

I suppose you might not be aware of this, but you are assholes.  Every time I say hello to you, you either don’t respond or give me the stink eye.  Excuse me if my very existence offends you, perhaps I should shoot myself in the face so you can have some “real neighbors”.  I am aware that Teddy barks when I leave, and I am trying different methods to correct the situation.  However, being a dog, he will naturally bark when he hears the noises you also make next door, or when he smells your foul stench putting a note in the door.  Perhaps your children screaming is interfering with his nap and he’s cranky.  The crying is especially intense now that you have a new baby and both children are home all day.  But since you seem to know so much more than me in life, perhaps you can enlighten me as to how I should magically keep my dog from barking when I’m not on the premises.  Any information you could provide would, I’m sure, be most useful.

Thanks,

Cyndi

P.S. - Would you please clear up all the trash in your personality?