When Stupid People Call Me Too Much

Brace yourself for this one, it’s epic.  Perhaps not so much in importance, but definately in length.

I want to punch my landlord in the face.  And if he didn’t live in California, I would.  Yes, my landlord rents out a house in the Philly suburbs while living in LA.  Intelligent?  Not so much.  Because shit like this happens:

A housing inspector came by in November and found a bunch of things that Landlord needed to fix to be up to code for renting out a house.  So Landlord went about getting things fixed.  He had one month to get everything done before the inspector would be back to check things out.  If everything wasn’t fixed, Landlord would have to pay a hefty fine.  Long story shorter, it’s bazillions of months later and everything is not fixed yet.  And Housing Inspector wants to come by and see what’s going on.  This is where the problems come in.

You see, back in November, I was unemployed.  I was home everyday.  I was here to let Work Man and Housing Inspector in when they needed to come by.  But that was 6 months ago, and thankfully, I am employed again.  And so is my roommate.  Which means that no one is home all day except Teddy.  And as you can imagine, a dog is not such a fan of letting strange men into his house. 

So Housing Inspector, Work Man, and Landlord have all been talking about when HI and WM (I’m abbreviating now cause I’m tired of typing fake names that are long) can both come by the house to check things out.  But, since no one is home most of the day, HI told us to leave our house unlocked so that he can come over sometime over the course of two days.  So recap - we’re being told to leave our house completely open so that an absolute stranger can come in and walk around sometime, whenever he wants, over the course of two days.  Does anyone else feel that the township can’t force you to do that?  Cause I do.  So we didn’t do that, for the millions of reasons including:  I don’t let complete strangers come into my house when no one’s home,since I don’t know who the fuck you are and I don’t trust you in my house; gosh, maybe someone else could just walk in and steal all of my shit, which my renters insurance won’t cover since I left the door unlocked you asshole; and I have a dog, who will either run out the door (and who will cover if he’s hit by a car or lost or taken??) or attack the HI, since that’s what dog’s do to strange men who enter their homes.

So needless to say, we haven’t left the house unlocked.  Duh.  Now I’m getting flack from Landlord that he’s going to get a fine because we won’t leave the house open for the Inspector.  Well, if Inspector would give us more of a time frame than “sometime over the course of two days” then perhaps I or my roommate could actually be home to let the guy in.  Crazy how that logic doesn’t work on some people.  This brings me to my second main beef: my landlord is retarded.  He chose to live in LA and rent out a house in Philly.  And he chose not to keep up on the house.  And he chose the work men.  Clearly this is his responsibility, not mine, and it pisses me the fuck off that he’s calling me 5 times a day and telling me that if I “want a place to live”, then I’ll do whatever the Housing Inspector says.  Because this is not my problem, and it’s not my job to fix it.

On Monday I was told that they wanted to come by Tuesday sometime after noon.  So my roommate and I arranged it so one of us would be here all afternoon.  And you know what?  I get a call in the afternoon that the Inspector came by in the morning and the house was locked.  Well no shit, Sherlock, you told me you’d be there in the afternoon, you asswipe.  So now I’m getting flack againg that this “needs to be done in the next 4 days or else!”, the or else being that Landlord gets a thousands of dollars fine.  Well Landlord, maybe you should have thought of that before moving to California.

So now apparently they fixed a time for Friday morning from 10:00-10:30 am.  You got precise now, didn’t you bitches!  Where was that last month!  This time, since we won’t be home, my mom has said that she’ll come over to let the guys in and make sure Teddy doesn’t run out the door or attack them (although at this point I might consider seeing if Teddy actually would attack them).  And if this doesn’t work, I’m telling Landlord to grow a pair, get his ass on a plane, and take care of it himself.  Douche.

I think I’m done ranting now.